Sometimes there aren't answers to the questions we ask God. Sometimes He gives us that "yes" or "no" or asks us to wait on Him. Other itmes I've discovered that the answers may not come for years, if ever in this life, and it's that last part I'm struggling with. God is good and God is sovreign, but sometimes I just don't get what He's doing in my life and why, and not knowing can be painful. He gives and He takes away, that I know. It's the trusting after He's taken away that is hard at first, even after years of walking with Him. Maybe it's not so much of questioning that He is trustworthy or that He is good, but rather what is His definition of good? This world is full of sin and often sucks, and it's not what He intended, yes, I remember that, but still He allows things to happen that don't make sense.
I know where I'm spending my night, digging back into the pages of His Word, but I can't hide my struggle right now. There's a song with the following lyrics:
Find my in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I'm waiting here
I feel like that fits me right now. Pain lays my soul bare before my God. I need His healing, so I'm waiting.